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Episode #13 – Beef Twerky

Okay, so I purposely waited for folks to get this out of their systems before posting about it. Mostly because it was just major vomitus maximus, but I also wanted folks to settle down a little before stirring that pot back up.

So, you know you were all duped like a buncha dumb dupey dupes right?  I mean seriously, all anyone has been saying is how horrible Miley is.  I thought it WAS horrible, but mostly just because of her complete lack of talent.

The most horrible thing was Alan Thicke’s little boy up there (a married and supposedly “family” man) dry humping Miley.  No’one gives a crap about that.  That’s because we’re all still in the “She’s a hoe! He’s a playa.” frame of mind.

Why is it okay for a dude to act like he did and not okay for Miley to behave as such?  (Other than her horrible song and ridiculous getup please.)  I sincerely don’t get it folks.  It must have something to do with the ridiculous attitude about women that most white males still have even this far into the 21st century.  Yeah, I’m a 40-something white man… and I’m embarrassed.  Guess what?  I’m not religious or  innocent myself, but I came to the decision that I hate the way women and (even more frighteningly) girls are objectified and sexualized in our culture.  It seems like that’s all anyone cares about women for.  I was raised by a single mom and later married a single mom and I don’t flippin’ appreciate that crap!

So, I went back and listened to Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” and yeah, it’s catchy.  It’s also dogshit!  Here’s some of the lyrics for you:

What do they make dreams for

When you got them jeans on

What do we need steam for

You the hottest bitch in this place

I feel so lucky

Hey, hey, hey

You wanna hug me

Hey, hey, hey

What rhymes with hug me?

Hey, hey, hey

Okay, so I’m not going to rip on the grammar.  I mean, it’s a song after all.  Let’s just say a few things about content.  I’ve used the word bitch before, so whatever.  But, “What rhymes with hug me?”, seriously?  Dude, your father was Mister Seever in the 80s!.  You’re a privileged 36 year old white man from the suburbs.  You have no reason to be talking as such.  I mean, do you just go home a cry in your money piles about how shitty that song is?  And what kind of dignity could your wife possibly have with you behaving as such.  Only in today’s shitty-assed music scene could you have a career Robin “hardly” Thicke.

Ridiculous people.  I’m calling out anyone who thinks what this dude did on stage is fine but what Miley Cyrus did makes her a “hoe’.

And for God’s sake, please quit using the word “twerk”.  You’re supposed to be adults here.

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Episode #12 – Rubberneckin’ Lookie-Loos

Yeah, so I call them Lookie-Loos.  I know most call them Rubberneckers.  Fact is, they suck and they end up causing even more injury and death to our society as a whole.  Here are my thoughts…

(BTW, before you do something ridiculous and bitch about my camera running while I drive … First off, welcome to the 21st century. We have fancy sticky things that (much like a GPS) mount your phone to the windshield in front of you. Second, I’m watching the road quite well and only look up a few times for a millisecond or so, much like you’ve done if you’ve ever changed a radio station or looked at a GPS display. Thanks, I just had to quash that dumbassedry before it began.)

While shooting the video here, I thought a little more about it.  I think it runs deeper into our everyday lives.  All the way down into Shark Week (all rights reserved) and our nightly news (where the motto, “If it bleeds, it leads.” is taken to the extreme).  We love to watch folks get hurt and suffer.  Kinda sad really.  I found a good article here in the link immediately below.

A good little clinical explanation as to why we do it.

That’s really all the more I have on it, but it does piss me off royally.  Especially when I leave 20 min early to be somewhere and still end up being late because of 1 wreck and the 3 or 4 caused by lookie-looing.

This is so common, it’s sickening!

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Peace out folks!

The Hawkman

Episode #11 – Daylight Savings Time

Less Sleep Sunday graphic

It’s the DST we all love to hate right?

I know.  I know.  This entry is a cool week late.  I apologize for that.  It’s still pertinent, however, so please enjoy the read.

So, most Americans were like, “What the what?” on Monday morning (3/11/2013) before work.  Even though the time change had happened over 24 hours prior to this, that Monday morning afterwards is when it hurts the most right?  So, I’m going to cover a few things about this whole fiasco know as Daylight Savings Time and then I’m going to whine about it some.  I’m not going to be whining so much about the fact that it exists or the fact that we have to live by this (in some circles agreed upon) antiquated timekeeping methodology.  I’m going to be whining about all of us whining…Hell, I’m even going to solve the problem and make the whole thing easier on the workforce.  It’s just too damn bad that no’one will really be listening/reading.

A little history here first kids.  Daylight Savings Time was introduced into modernity at around 1895 or so by a New Zealander name G.V. Hudson.  DST started being widely adapted worldwide during the 1st World War as a way to conserve energy (primarily coal).  Throughout the next several decades and into the 1970s it was still advised as a great way to save energy by adjustments to lighting and heating schedules.  That’s all fine and good except for one thing…it really doesn’t do much in that respect.  The primary positive point about the whole thing is psychological.  See, when our kids are standing outside in pitch dark waiting for their bus to pick them up, we don’t like that.  Couple in the fact that our television schedules get all racky-jacked up and guess what?  We’re living with DST for the foreseeable future.

Summer map for DST.

Blue = N.Hemisphere summer and Orange = S.Hemisphere summer.

So, what’s the big deal right?  I mean we add an hour to our clocks in the Fall and we take an hour away in the Spring.  We’ve been living with it our whole entire lives right?  Well, unless you’re lucky enough to live right around the equator.

The problem is that we’re all good with an extra hour of sleep in the Fall.  We hate having sleep taken away from us in the Spring.  Funny thing is that we’ve really not had anything taken away from us at all.  We just don’t adjust our schedules accordingly.  We mostly have clocks that autoset themselves for these changes, but I think that almost makes this whole thing more difficult on us.

So, here’s how to get rid of some of the pissing and moaning about this event.  First, let’s start with changing, just a tad, when these events are enacted.  For Springing forward, let’s do this thing on Friday night/Saturday morning @ 2AM to give the workforce another 24 hours to adjust.  What can that hurt really?  I mean, it’s one day more before that Monday morning alarm goes off.  Who’s going to complain about that?  In the Fall, let’s move forward a day and have the time change happen on that Sunday night/Monday morning.  Seriously, who won’t love that extra hour coming in on that final sleep before a new work week?

So, tell me what you guys think.  I don’t think we can rid ourselves of this antiquated time policy at all.  I do, however, believe we can adjust when these events take place within a day or two and relieve a tiny amount of bizzy-nitching.

…and we can definitely use less of that.

Hawkman Out!

Episode #10 – Obama’s “Gun Control” Opposition

First off, I’m going to start by saying “WTF???”  Seriously, have you morons even studied up on what it is the Prez is trying to work out in regards to Gun Control laws?

Enough name calling.  I’ll come back around after discussing a few things first…

Here’s a brief layout of what Prez Obama is looking for in regards to tightening up gun laws (along with my feelings in italics):

  • Assault weapons ban (Because you really need that M-16 lookalike to hunt deer right?)
  • Ban on high-capacity magazines (Because you wanna pepper your deer meat with 40 rounds right?)
  • Universal background checks (Because why would we want to make sure people have clear backgrounds before issuing them the right to own hand cannons?)
  • Federal funds for national background checks (Well, this one seems weird, but with all the crap we get for spending federally, it’s brave to have it in there right?)
  • Research on gun violence (Enough research.  People use guns to kill people because they’re being attacked, they’re cowards or they’re deranged.  Nuff said right?)
  • Mental health (You mean looney toons?  Why don’t we just stick with saying people are losers if they seek help?)

Damn that Obama!  What an asshole!  I mean trying to keep morons everywhere from attempting to live like they’re in the military and all.  Seriously though, I don’t get it.  Whenever I try to talk about it with a gun owner (well, merely most of them I guess) I get the whole “you want to take away my rights!” or “Countries kill their own citizens after they take away their right to bear arms!” or even “Hitler took away German citizens’ right to bear arms too!” and plenty of other bullshit of the like.  I even heard some loon on the news this morning saying they will bring up impeachment of Prez Obama for trying to take away the public’s “Right to Bear Arms.”  Cheese and Crackers people.  Settle the fuck down.

So, let me lay out my feelings on this issue so that it’s easy to understand and extremely forthright.

  1. I do not want to take away the right to own guns.  I don’t think our forefathers were thinking about assault rifles with clips holding 20 rounds or more though.  Not necessary to hunt in my opinion.
  2. I do not want to own a gun out of fear that one of my children or a member of my family could die purely by an accident where they are mistaken or if they are playing with it.
  3. I think that mental illness is an ever changing science that needs more research quickly.  In addition, I don’t want mentally ill folks able to buy a gun.  Certainly not assault rifles and/or semi-automatics.
  4. I think parents need to step up when it comes to allowing their children to play highly violent games or watch highly violent shows, etc.  Look people, we all know the stores, manufacturers and theatres aren’t in the business of policing children taking in violent media…so, you had the kids…watch them and be involved in what their lives entail!
Bushmaster Assault Weapon used in Sandy Hook Elementary massacre

Yeah, this gun is for hunting deer, not killing folks. Just ask the parents of Sandy Hook elementary students.

One more thing before I’m done though.  I have a question to all of you gun owners that are so impassioned with your “right to bear arms”…WTF?  Do your guns blow you each night before you go to sleep or some shit?  I mean, I really don’t get it.  I know a grandpa of many that is so fucking upset that “they’re gonna take away my right to bear arms!” that I had to quit Facebook because it’s just uncomfortable.  I’ve tried to talk with other owners too.  Most of them are similar in behavior.  I don’t understand it at all.

I guess a lot of things happen when you get a gun.  Apparently, you’ll soon after die to protect your new metal friend.  Apparently, you forget that beautiful little babies (much like your own and your grandchildren) we’re blasted into piles of wrecked flesh and bone by a maniac with guns just about a month ago.  Why on earth would you hold on so fucking tight to an inanimate object that’s designed to destroy in place of other humans that are innately loving?  Talk about mentally ill, you need help!

Get your minds off of your toys that kill and get your minds into love and health for all humans starting with our amazing country (U.S.A.) and you’ll be on the right path for “being saved”.  God, Jesus and guns have nothing to do with it.

Use your minds!

Peace out all,

Hawkman

Episode #9 – Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

Well, it’s that magic time of year again.  The time of year when someone gets peeved by my stating “Happy Holidays” as opposed to “Merry Christmas” as though I’m attacking Jesus Christ or something.  Every year I get to hear it from someone or maybe even a few people and I get to explain it all over again.  As if it really matters in the whole scheme of things right?

Funny thing is, it does.  The other funny thing is that my saying, “Happy Holidays” is more thoughtful, in my opinion, and it took me a few years to get used to saying it back in the early 90s.  See, prior to that, I was about “Merry Christmas” and all that.  It’s all I knew really.  But, immediately following college, I married a woman who was Jewish.  Then, soon after, someone invented Kwanzaa (just kidding.  That was created in the late 60’s.  See here), so I decided I would set about learning to say something to wish all a grand time of the year.  Not so much a noble idea as a caring one huh?

I’m liberal, but I think some things are pretty crazy myself.  “African-American”, for example, would suggest that all black folks originate from Africa and, further, that only black folks are from Africa.  Kinda ridiculous.  Like thinking the “Right to Bear Arms” is being exercised by owning semi-auto assault weapons and all that.  There’s much wackiness in our world people…no doubt.

By me saying, “Happy Holidays!” however, I am simply wishing you a great time of the year no matter who you are and where you’re from.  How could that possibly be construed as my trying to rid a religion of it’s deity?  Or the son of the deity?  Or whatever?  I can’t think of why or how anyone should be offended by it.  Believe me, I have plenty of other things I could say to offend almost anyone out there.  I won’t resort to that though.  Instead, I’d like to have you take a moment and think about what the holidays really are to you and your family.  If you’re Christian, the idea is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.  That’s cool to me as we so often celebrate the death of folks for some reason.  If you’re Jewish, you’re celebrating the “festival of lights” as an honor of the re-dedication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem.  If you’re celebrating Kwanzaa, well that’s a way to celebrate your own thing without “the man” telling you what to do.  It doesn’t matter, they’re all celebrations and it’s about being with those you love and having good times together.

So, how is it that my saying “Have a great series of days off with your family and friends!” to everyone instead of just some folks a bad thing?  It’s not.

(And if you’re offended, check your priorities and quit worrying about semantics.  Obviously you’ve been duped by the right-wing conservative agenda, so get to the doctor and get that cleared up so you can enjoy some family time this season.)

Peace and Love,

Kyle

Episode #8 – Hollywood Bullshit!

Okay, so in case you don’t know, in the kid’s film “ParaNorman” there is a character that alludes to the fact he has a “boyfriend” to a girl that is crushing all over him during the movie.  At the end, the girl asks him out to a movie and the jock-type guy says, “Yeah, you’ll love my boyfriend.  He’s really into chick flicks.” or something of the like.  I wasn’t prepared for it and it wasn’t that I was disgusted or anything like that.  I was just very surprised.  For a lot of reasons…

The crew from ParaNorman.

The crew from ParaNorman.

I’m about as liberal as they come folks.  I love all human beings and I want it so people don’t have to hide who they are within reason (and I’m more concerned with idiots wearing latex zipper suits out there in the wild and shit not homosexuality).  I’m for marriage equality (among humans) and I want everyone to live a good and satisfying life.  Hell, I even disagree with some of the “laws” regarding the handling of pedophiles and the like.  Don’t get me wrong, I want them punished, but wouldn’t we better off understanding why they do what they do more than what we have going on right now?  But, when you give up on reformation in prison and just allow it to be punishment (as we’ve done ages ago) you just agree to create “super-killers”, “super-rapists” and “super-predators” to be released back into society.  And, knowing their names and addresses from a map on the web isn’t going to keep them from whatever they want to do with your children.

Okay, going off on a tangent there that has nothing to do with a homosexual character in a children’s movie.

Thing is, this is a kid’s film that really has no place in it for sexuality at all.  I understand the writer here is homosexual and that’s all well and fine.  It still doesn’t excuse this lamely placed line that really doesn’t have anything to do with the story at all.  Short of the girl being embarrassed some at the end, that is.

As a matter of fact, if I were gay, I’d be pissed at this incident within the kid’s film.  To me, it does nothing to help further the cause at all.  It steps you back a few years.  Here’s why:

  1. The “outing” of this character comes delivered as part of a joke.  So, are you not serious then about homosexuality?  Should we all just laugh off homosexual relationships?
  2. The “boyfriend” within the outing comment loves “chick flicks”.  Okay, so now you’re stating that gay men are effeminate and are more like women than men that are gay?  I’m nitpicking here, but still.
  3. The line serves no plot point whatsoever and is poorly misplaced.  It’s nonsensical and seems “tacked on” much like the last 20 minutes or so of the film “Religulous” in case you haven’t seen that.
  4. This was an attempt to say, “Hey, kids can handle the fact that some people are gay and some people are straight!” from what I can see.  It’s to help fight for the cause and make homosexuality seem more “normal” or whatever.  Thing is, it does everything but that.  If you were wanting to do that, make the character announce his “outness” earlier in the film.  Then we see him doing heroic things and all that.  Isn’t that more respectable than making his homosexuality the butt of a joke?

So, screenwriter dude, you failed…and miserably.  Not because you put a homosexual character in your script.  That really is a moot point.  You failed because you were so dead set on throwing in some “gayness” that you shot yourself and your cause in the foot while doing so.  I’m overly critical of films, I’ll give you that.  I could write this script ten times better than you, however, and though I don’t wear hipster skinny jeans and invest highly in hair gel, I would be willing to bet I could write a gay character better than you.

Like another review on this film I read by William Bigelow said,

“If they really were “brave” they’d announce from the start that Mitch was gay and see just how many parents would take their children to see this movie.”

Touche’ and slam dunk.  There’s nothing brave about this attempt at all.

C’mon hollywood, quit worrying about an agenda and make some effin’ films already.  Where is the “Goonies” of the 21st century?

 

Hawkman Out!  (well, not out, but done here)

Episode #7 – Apple Haters

Yes!  I’ve been waiting to talk about these guys for awhile.  Not as long as I’ve wanted to get the whole “wearing clothes incorrectly” thing off my chest, but close.

Why do people feel like they have to hate Apple so much?  I really don’t get it.  I’ve been buying Apple products solidly for well over a decade now and wouldn’t swerve from the road, so to speak.  I have been there as far as owning different brands of laptops, desktops, cell phones, etc. and it sucks.  I have an iMac from 1999 downstairs in my basement that still runs.  Granted, the tube monitor isn’t worth much anymore, but it powers up and I can use an external monitor if I want.  How many IBM, Toshiba, Acer, Sony VAIO, or whomever else owners can say the same out there?  None.

iMac DV SE

It might look ugly now, but she was the shizzle in ’99!

I cannot think of another consumer electronics company whose presentation, as far as “look and style” goes, comes near what this American owned company does.  Think about that for a second.  How many other American owned companies out there are producing things desired all over the world?

The hatred of such just doesn’t make sense.

If you hate Apple products, you simply must not have any.  How could you open that carefully crafted packaging and pull out that beautiful shiny new device and hate those that made it?